Timing is Everything

I remember talking to a co-worker that had worked in a financial aid office. She said to NOT wait to pay back student loans! That they would wait, allow interest to accrue, apply fines and penalties and fees and wait some more. Then they would come after you with a vengeance. That was 7 years ago.

I remember the MidAmerica Nazarene University recruiters coming to my church, into my youth group, into my Sunday School class. I had felt called to ministry, to preach, to pastor a church. But neither I nor my family could afford to pay for me to go to college. I had no idea how I would afford to go to my church college that would train me for ministry and prepare me for pastoring. But the recruiters had an answer: Financial Aid, student grants and student loans. That was 16 years ago.

Now my wife and I have 2 student loans that are about $100,000 apiece. I have never been able to enter into ministry for many reasons, one being that no church would ever be able to afford to employ me where I could pay the school loans back. I'll never forget the speech that my church history professor gave my junior year of college. He said, "75% of all Nazarene churches are 75 people or les. So if you have more than $5000 in loans the average church won't pay you enough to pay them back." Thanks prof. Williams. Why didn't YOU visit my youth group?

I remember filing for bankruptcy. The bankruptcy judge asked if I had a doctorate with that kind of student loans. "Nope," I replied, "I went to a private, religious college." The credit card debt went away, but student loans are not easily forgiven in bankruptcy so the loans did not go away.

Now, for some reason, the US Department of Education wants their money back...and they want it pretty bad. I may be a day away from having the US Dept of Education garnish my check, @250 per paycheck for the rest of my life. And that is only for one of the two loans.

In addition, the state is currently garnishing my check and my wife's check to the total of 25% per person, per check. It is for a medical bill. We won't be able to pay rent this month. We both have pay day loans out. We have one maxed out credit card. I have 2 401K loans that I am repaying. As I write this, my bank account is negative.

The Sunday after the Student Loan collectors started talking to me my friend, Mike called me. It was just after church and he invited me to a Dave Ramsey class. Of course I said yes. Thanks Mike.

There are a few positives. I have a great family. I have 4 boys. I have a great job. So does my wife. I am taking steps in the right direction. My good friend Bill is acting as our financial counselor, he has been great to keep us focused and encouraged-he even paid for my wife and I to attend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University classes. I have stopped my 401K contributions. No cable. No Internet. Of course it is because we owe them too. I plan to reduce the cell phone plans to the next plan down. We rent, but both of our minivans are paid for. I changed my tax exemptions to get more money back during the year instead of a refund. I have been taking my lunch to work instead of eating out. One pay day loan is paid off. I have 1 401K loan that will be paid off by the end of the month. I won't be giving to United Way next year. I have even applied for a part-time job and my wife has been taking extra duties on at her school-that will be extra money too. I have been in contact with the people I owe, trying to make a plan and trying to take control and be responsible.

And of course, I participated in my first Dave Ramsey class last night.

Harry Potter and the Christian Allegory

No, it isn't the title of book number 8. It is the latest talk about the Harry Potter series. First read this article shockingly entitled, Is Harry Potter the Son of God? An original editorial by Abigail BeauSeigneur: http://www.mugglenet.com/editorials/editorials/edit-beauseigneura01.shtml

I guess I should first start by saying that I am a pretty big fan of the Harry Potter series. I have read all of the books thus far, have watched all of the movies thus far, have heard the books on tape, own 4 of the 5 movies (the 5th is in theaters now) and I have been planning the next big Line Standing Event to stand in line this Friday for the final book release at midnight. And then I need to profess my status as a born-again believer and follower of Jesus Christ. I am a pretty conservative kind of Christian. I believe that the Bible contains the word of God and is perfect and inerrant as it relates to salvation and reconciliation to a relationship with God. (I chose my wording very carefully there.) I am a Christian and a fan of Harry Potter!

I have to tell you, my first thoughts of the article were pretty negative. I have just NEVER thought of the Harry Potter series as a Christian allegory. I have NEVER thought of Harry as a representation of Jesus Christ. I am hung up on these points. But after reading the article I have little doubt that JK Rowlings, the author of the Harry Potter series, indeed intends the Harry Potter series to be an allegory of the Gospel. And JK is pretty cool, although she seems to be pretty quiet about her personal beliefs she seems to be a professing Christian or at least an attender of church. And she does site Christian authors CS Lewis as being influential on her life and literature. I have no problems with her or the series in general.

Next let's talk about allegory versus a story about good and evil. Dictionary.com says, "John Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress and Herman Melville's Moby-Dick (Bantam Classics) are allegories." CS Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia is a Christian allegory. Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard is another Christian allegory. However, a great and epic story of good triumphing over evil is JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I consider the LOTR books to be THE best fiction literature ever, period. And although there are many allegoric symbolisms, it is not a complete allegory. Instead it is a story where good triumphs over evil. Tolkien didn't really like the idea of Christian allegory-he was tiffed at Lewis over the Narnia Chronicles.

My wife reminded me of the sermon series that our Pastor Donnie gave at Trinity Family, "The Gospel According to Harry Potter." It has been a while, but she asked if Donnie actually called the series an allegory. I don't remember, but I do know that he made comparisons, but in the end I always thought of the series as a story of good triumphing over evil, not as an allegory.

I suppose it is the unorthodox parallels and the character of Harry Potter that hangs me up the most. One crucial point in the essay, BeauSeigneur states that "Harry may also have the power to resurrect himself." The comparison that the writer was making was to Voldermort (the bad guy in the HP series)-who had magical powers to ressurect himself. But the implication is a parallel to Christ. I do not believe that Christ raised himself from the dead, God ressurected Christ from death. Most Christians who have a beef with the HP series get hung up on the point of magic and dark arts and such. I don't have a lot of issues with this, but it does speak to where the power comes from. I have always read that HP's (and the rest of the characters) power or ability to perform magic comes from within themselves. There is no mention of an external power source or a higher being or a power higher than their own. And the power that Jesus had always came from someone higher than himself, from God the Father-it was God giving Christ the power to heal and perform miracles. It was as though Jesus set aside his God-power and let God work through him in his humanness.

Like I say, my biggest, hugest hangup is the comparison or the representation of Harry Potter to Jesus Christ. To coin a phrase, "Harry Potter, you are no Jesus Christ..." Harry is by no means a spotless lamb. He does not personify a sanctified individual. Instead he is fully human. A human with all of the proper characteristics of such, with a sinful nature and a desire to satisfy the self. Compare this to Aslan in the Narnia Chronicles. Aslan is the righteous kingly lion-kind, compassionate, perfect and righteous. And Aslan ultimately lays down his life for humanity. Harry makes bad decisions. He alienates his friends. He hurts people by his actions. He's just no where close to a Good Person. I have never seen righteousness within him.

I suppose JK will site the Greatest Goodness as Love. Maybe Harry will become such a good person. And Harry will end up making choices that demonstrate love and then sacrifice himself so evil can be defeated. And then have the innate power to ressurect himself. But what is lacking in all of the story is the constant righteous one. If it isn't blatantly God then it needs to be a transparent 100% righteous individual. One who is spotless and clean. I just don't see that in Harry. Maybe Dumbledore, maybe.

The author of the editorial makes an argument for Harry being Holy and pure and righteous based on the things that he possesses (wand, mother's blood, etc.). The argument presented puts Harry in a position of holiness rather than a character of righteousness. That is most interesting.

All of this does raise some interesting points. It is as though JK has sneakily slipped a very cool and popularly accepted allegory about (gulp) CHRISTIANITY into the mainstream media. Onto the top-sellers lists, into the hands of millions, into CHILDREN'S HANDS! And into Hollywood! How long did it take Tolkien and Lewis to be immortalized and worshiped in Hollywood? What will the fundamentalists and The Christian Right do with this new revelation?

I don't know. I know that it would be pretty cool if JK Rowlings comes out publicly and admits that the Harry Potter series is indeed a Gospel allegory. I think it would be cool to see her in the spotlight pimping God! Pointing people to Christ and maybe even encouraging people to read the Bible.

Maybe JK Rowlings will finally be asked spiritual questions in a kind and non-threatening environment. Maybe her "Satan" status will be elevated to "sister" status. Will the fundamentalists and The Christian Right change their minds and finally shelf the Harry Potter series along side The Chronicles of Narnia and the Lord of the Ring trilogy?

Well, I am not even sure if I am ready to do that yet. I will wait to read the book and wait to hear from JK Rowlings. But the series will still be in the same room, along the same wall on the same set of shelves. Maybe just above the Left Behind series.

I'll conclude with the last brilliant paragraph from Abigail BeauSeigneur's editorial. It totally gives me chills, goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes.

She [JK Rowlings] has told us where to look to find out what is coming in the final book – her Christianity. She has told us that it’s so easy a 10-year -old could figure it out.(249) The secret to Harry Potter is tied to Rowling’s Christianity. The master of the red herring has done it. She has tricked the entire world. What appears to be a book about witchcraft is a story about Jesus Christ.

-Durk-

Memorial Day 2007

Memorial Day holds unique significance to me because my father passed away on Memorial Day in 2005. He gave me life and loved me. And I miss him much.

In honor of Memorial Day I thought I’d post my thoughts from a few years ago.

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I embarrassingly bought the pregnancy test. I read the positive results by email. Minnie was pregnant again! I tried not to tell anyone; that lasted about 5 minutes. When the doctor’s found two heartbeats for the first time I was elated. I thought “Twins again?! No problem!”

Minnie’s first pregnancy with our identical twin boys was full of potential complications: Bed rest in the hospital, delivering early admitted to the NICU. But in the end they turned out perfect. They are handfuls and ornery, but they are our pride and joy.

We thought that the next pregnancy would be a breeze, we thought, “How easy it will be to have only one child?” Minnie’s next two pregnancies ended tragically in miscarriages. The first hit us very hard; we tried to gain closure by having a memorial service. The second seemed easier.

I don’t know if it was the novelty of having twins again, that fact that Minnie and I were in a good place to plan for more kids, or just that Minnie and I were going to have babies in the house again. Whatever the reasons I really wanted these babies.

I prayed so hard as the doctor’s searched for the heartbeats again a few days later. "Please God, Please God…" Smaller babies. No heartbeats. Our babies died. Another miscarriage.

Minnie found comfort from friends. She found comfort in the Bible. She found comfort through songs.

For me, there are questions: Where is God?

I thought He was there with Kaleb & Keegan. I thought I saw his work. Does he give us gifts just to turn around and take them away? Was this really His will? What kind of God is that?

Where was God? Is He a God who put things in motion in the beginning and now just sits back? Where is the personal God I’ve grown up with? Is this really for the best? Will good come out of it? I don't want "good," I want the babies.

And I'm mad. I'm mad at God for not stepping into my life, and I'm mad that I am close enough to Him to get mad at Him. Maybe if I distance myself from him, He can't hurt me; He can't anger me…and I won't hurt Him by getting mad at Him.

Then I am reminded of Jesus, who was fully man and fully God.

I'm reminded that Jesus prayed hard, he asked for the cup to be taken away. It wasn't. I'm reminded that Jesus asked questions: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" God didn't forsake him. I'm reminded that Jesus grieved: "Jesus wept."

In the end there are no answers. In the end it is just Jesus and me, pondering, asking, expecting answers. It is Jesus and me grieving. But the best part is is that it is Jesus and me.
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“I really Wanted these babies” Written February 8th 2002 and read in worship at Christ Community Church shortly after. Thanks Pastor Dave for encouraging me to reflect and write.

Since this writing God has blessed my wife and I with 2 more healthy boys, Calvin Wesley and Corbin Riley, they join twins, Kaleb Nathaniel & Keegan Daniel.

-Durk-

Planes, Pains and Automobiles

Planes Right before Christmas my co-worker Anthony asked me if I wanted to eat BBQ for lunch. I love BBQ. I love lunch! I love BBQ for lunch! So of course I said yes! Then he said, "I ain't driving." Immediately I thought ok, he wants me to drive. Then he added, "So I hope you don't get air sick!" Then I remembered he's a pilot. SWEET! So I replied, "SWEET!" So he flew me out of the tiny airport on the other side of Gardner (not New Century) and we landed just outside of Paola and ate BBQ at their BBQ joint at the airport! It was really cool. It took about 20 mins to fly there and about 15 mins to fly back. Anthony borrows his friend's Drummond Traveler. It has seating for 4 but only has a capacity of 600 pounds or about 2 people. It was truly amazing. Thank you very much Anthony!

Pains I had surgery for the first time a couple of weeks ago...double hernia surgery. I almost died that weekend. OK, that's not true, but I sure felt like it. And I was tempted to end it all a few times. The surgery was on a Friday morning and I was in and out and fairly lucid and pain-free and in bed by 11:00. I say fairly lucid...I distinctly remember my wife and my 2 youngest boys coming in to see me, I was happy to see them and I greeted them and I got dressed and we left. I was really scared about saying something stupid after surgery and embarrassing myself, but nope, I remember Minnie and the boys coming in the room and everything afterwards and everything mostly clearly, I guess I told Minnie 3 or 4 times that my watch was in my shoe, she had taken it out of my shoe and had placed it on the table...but whatever right, I mean there may be some silliness, IT WAS SURGERY FOR GOODNESS SAKE! HA. Whew. Life is great. Until Minnie explained to me that that wasn't the first time she had come into the room, that she just stepped out for whatever reason (whatever reason included taking the young ones with her...SHE WOULDN'T LEAVE THEM ALONE WITH ME? What?). And that I had said something stupid to embarrass myself when she was in the room earlier. Earlier? But you just came into the room...no earlier...great. Good times. So I can't show my face around post op for a few years and my next surgery may have to be at a different hospital-so I can traumatize another group of innocent medical care personnel. I still can't figure out why she let me believe that she was coming in to see me for the first time. Or why she told me at all! I mean I was pretty happy to see her and the boys...I guess for a second time.

OK, so I was home on bed rest and sleeping and still waking up from the surgery...Sometime shortly after that my body rebelled against me. And at some point I actually had to get up to go to the bathroom, yeah, well, that was a mistake, because I just had to do it again later! It took me about 10 mins to slide to the bathroom and then go and then crawl back to bed. But that really doesn't even explain it, because first you have to sit up...and I just don't know how I did that, then STAND up, and "stand up" may be overstating it a bit, I was on my feet and fighting the urge to pass out, but if you do that you just have to stand up again. "Sloped over" is a better term, grabbing the nightstand, dresser, walls, sink, tub...and then crying when you have to sink back into bed, but relieved until you remember that you actually have to LAY DOWN again...Yeah it was painful. Then my wife reminds me at every chance she gets that SHE had a c-section that she gave birth 3 times...yadda, yadda, blah, blah...We are not talking about HER! It was my first surgery and I have a whole new outlook when it comes to surgery and pain!

Well, it is amazing what a few days can do, I was feeling pretty good Sunday night with soreness, I was still moving slowly, but I actually walked downstairs! And I began to eat more. But the drugs were running out, the good drugs! The reality-altering drugs! So I cut back and ended up running a fever most of Sunday night. Monday was pretty good once I got up and moving, just a little sore, I got the chills again in the evening, why is it always the evening when you get the sickest? But I did get to play the best video game ever: Lego Star Wars. I mean you have Legos, and everything is made out of Legos and you have Star Wars! Legos AND Star Wars! Amazing. One can pass out just from thinking about it. I must have gnawed on my tongue during surgery because I have a very painful canker sore, that actually kept me awake! You know when you put your shoe on and the tongue slips down so you pull it out? Yeah I guess they could have done that when they intubated me.

Keegan discovered a mysterious lump in his armpit before Christmas. We took him to our family doctor right after Christmas and she was concerned but not worried. They did blood tests and CAT scans, but found nothing. They scheduled a surgical consultation for a few weeks later. Then he started to have blood in his urine. More blood work and another CAT scan. The diagnosis was constipation and no connection to lump. That seemed to get resolved. We finally had the surgical consultation last Thursday and the doctor agreed that it needed to come out and scheduled the surgery for the NEXT DAY! That was awesome timing. The surgery went just fine; it was Keegan's first surgery. They biopsied the hard lump this past weekend and preliminary results are that the lump "doesn't look like lymphoma" and its "most likely benign". So it sounds like Keegan is going to be just fine. Praise God!

Automobiles I own two minivans, a white one and a purple one. First the white van broke down, it lost power and would not start. Then while that was in the shop I smacked into a deer with the purple van and damaged the front passenger corner. After 3 separate stays at the shop we spent $3000 on the white van, I think it is all fixed. We have not fixed the purple van yet.

Derin

I'm Not Cool (Anymore)-The Minivan Controversy

I have had many friends over the years vehemently refuse to buy a minivan. Folks with 3 plus kids. Folks that are intelligent. Folks that can't fit their whole family in a car-so they drive 2 cars to the same place! Folks that scream minivan. Why? Because they think that minivans will make them turn from being cool to not being cool. And I also have had several friends with kids give up in defeat and buy a minivan and resolve to be not cool anymore.

OK, listen closely, here comes the truth: If you have kids you aren't cool anymore. No you're not! NO YOU'RE NOT!

If you are married you are not cool, well, OK, you are somewhat cool because you can pretend you are not married, and because you don't have kids yet, but this is just a transition stage. And if you are married WITH children, well, no, you are not cool. Single parent? You are not cool. There's also an age where you move from cool to not cool even if you are not married and don't have kids, but that is just creepy and not the point of this entry.

I am not cool. I have a minivan; in fact I have two mini vans, a purple one and a white one. I drive the white one. I may not be cool, but I am still a guy. But let's be clear on this. It is NOT the minivan that makes me not cool! It is the 4 children and a wife! It is my twins laughing at me and not with me. It is my 2-yr old son asking me if I have a penis too, in public. It is my 9-month old spitting up on my shirt! Minivans have nothing to do with it.

I had this conversation with a co-worker a few years ago and she went on and on about rollin' up in her SUV with the bling, bling rims and blah, blah, blah. If you park your pimped out SUV then strut to the back door, open it and pull out a kid. Well, guess what? You might think that you are cool, but you aren't!

If you roll up in a Lamborghini heads will turn. You can be in the scene from Mission Impossible III, with the Asian chick with the hair and the red dress and the Italian sports car. You drive up, heads turn. You park and eyes are glued to you and your car. You open the door and your long, naked leg hits the pavement while sticking out of your skimpy, sexy red dress-heads will turn and mouths will open. You walk sexily to the other side of the car and open the door and bend over-there will be gasps-maybe even applause! You come up holding your 9-month old baby boy...Heads will turn alright, THE OTHER WAY! The applause will halt and people will smile with embarrassment and many will laugh and shake their heads! Why? Yep, not cool.

You can be a cool mom or a cool dad and even a cool wife and cool husband. And guess what? I am a very cool dad and a somewhat cool husband! And you know what? There is nothing in the world cooler than having your kids, and sometimes your wife, think you are cool!

Like my friend Jeff said today on this topic: "I guess you can't be cool and responsible at the same time." EXACTLY. You can be young and single and cool-you have the whole world before you. Or you can be married with children-not cool anymore.

But here is the thing: Being married with children, well, that is the world in your hands. Holding your 9-month old after you have all the spit cleaned up and having him recognize you as Dad and then he smiles real big and laughs…that is cool.

That's cool.

-Durk-

Where is the Church? My 1st Rant

I have been talking to my mom about the emerging church or the Emergent Conversation that is taking place in the Christian church around the world. Google those phrases and check these out:

• Wikipedia's definition of emerging church
• explorefaith. org
• theemergingchurch. com
• anewkindofchristian. com

I don't fully understand it, so I am not too sure how I can explain it. I have read criticisms and I have read A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren who is really at the forefront of this conversation (they do not like to be called a movement). I also saw McLaren speak at a conference. I do know this: The Christian church has dropped the ball. Now I want to say that I am not ranting and raving against my mom. I’m just ranting to the air. I guess it is to the church, but to no one in particular.

The church has dropped the ball…and who is picking it up? The government with their welfare programs that keep the poor just poor enough to not want to do anything about not being poor! Who is picking it up? Planned Parenthood slaughterhouses that get rich by pretending to love their victims, while still manageing to offer some sort of false hope. Where is the church? Encouraging the discrimination of gays and promoting war (KEEP READING…). Why isn't the church helping low-income families? Why isn't the church helping single-parent families? Why isn’t the church helping the sick and poor? Why isn’t the church promoting peace? Why isn't the church doing its job? I don't know, but I understand that the world has turned from the church that stopped offering hope and to the world that has nothing to offer.

So let me clarify a couple of my above statements. I think homosexuality is a sin. Thankfully it is the church's job to help introduce the sinner to Christ-who forgives sins and transforms lives. I think the winds of change in Iraq were the right thing to force. But I am not blood-thirsty. As I write this there has been a thwarted terrorist attack in Europe, Hezbollah is attacking Israel and Israel is defending themselves and I have not forgotten 9/11. Tyranny and terrorism should be fought against. HOWEVER, war should not be romanticized. War is not good! It is necessary at times. Those times should be decisive and short.

I think part of the problem is that the church should be separate from a capitalistic culture. Don't get me wrong, capitalism has its place: in the economy! Heck, I eBay, that is capitalism at its purest. But the church should be a socialistic community of believers (within the church and within society). The church should be a place where the members want to make more so they can give more away to those in need! I remember thinking in college that the early church practiced socialism and that socialism could be a good American economy. I was very wrong. Bresee had it right or maybe it was Wesley, "Make all you can, save all you can and give all you can!"

It’s the church, THE CHURCH that should take care of people. The church should love people. The church should give away time and money and love. The church needs do invest in people and not expect a financial return.

Where is the church when it comes to illegal immigration? Should the church be on border patrol with guns? Should the church be harboring fugitives and helping people break the law? Is their another way? Why isn't the church offering to help immigrants come to The Land of Opportunity LEGALLY? Because it involves, spending money and giving up time! That kind of compassion used to be called sacrifice. Christians are not so good at that anymore; they leave that up to Christ, they nail Christ back on the cross and tell Him to stay there.

I am not a supporter of separation of church and state, I think it is unconstitutional. But it is happening everyday. So Christians can choose to fight it or they choose to accept it. I guess I do both. I vote with my heart, but I also do not believe in legislating morality. We no longer live in a Christian nation (if we ever really did), so once again Christians find themselves as the outsiders or the foreigners within their culture. I think it is important to make that distinction. The world does not understand Christianity! It isn't their job to pass Christian legislation or to believe the way we do! The world does not follow Christ. It is the job of the sinner to sin! That is what they know! That is what they understand. But yet we Christians still operate like we are still in power. But we aren't. And that's OK; it is the way it has always been! That is when Christianity does its best-when it is under fire! It was Tertullian who said, "In the blood of the martyrs lies the seed of the Church!" I'm not saying that we should sit back and watch while Christianity gets outlawed, but I don't think that it is always the church's job to legislate morality.

I think homosexual marriage can put an end to the sacred institution of marriage and I also think that banning homosexual marriages alienates homosexuals from the church. On one hand you have the world doing what the world does, sin! On the other hand you have the church hurting a group of people. It is a way for the church to discriminate against a community of lost people. Christians don't fight to outlaw couples who live together or protest against couples who get divorced for non-biblical reasons. We don't rally to outlaw affairs. I mean what is the church doing about Rev. Phelps and his band of haters; they protest at funerals! AT FUNERALS! I don't know what the solution is, but what if the church fought with the homosexual for their freedom (to sin)? Don’t you think that at some point they are going to take notice and build healthy relationships with folks that represent Christ? And maybe learn what it means to live a life without sin? Wow, how cool would that be? I know, many of my friends don't agree with me on this. I am also not out there holding hands with the homosexuals as they march down the street. But I struggle with voting to ban gay marriages and civil unions.

Take a slightly less controversial issue: Children with AIDS. What if the church worked with AIDS stricken children the way Mother Teresa worked with those stricken with leprosy? And why are Christians more apt to help children and kick sick adults to the curb? Where is the church? Campaigning for Republicans? Trying to rebuild the Religious Right? Trying to defend the actions of George Bush? I’M GUILTY, right here, that's been me.

I think I am winding down a bit…

Oh yeah, the Emerging Church… Well, it is all about what it means to be a Christian in a post-modern world. How do you build the Kingdom of Christ when those that need to be transformed are no longer convinced by apologetics? Post-modern people no longer respond to arguments. Systematic theology tries to convince folks that Christianity is truth, that kind of method is a thing of the past. People don't want to be convinced, they want to see Christians living out an authentic life that actually means something to them. They want to see it, they want to experience it. They don't want to hear sermons on prayer; they want to learn how to pray. They don't want to hear about the attributes of God, they want to experience the love of God. It is very experiential which is very close to existentialism, but that is exactly where the unchurched, non-Christians are and they can't be convinced or talked into something. They want to see it. They want Christians to live what they believe so that it makes a difference in their lives.

How do you present Christianity in a media-driven culture? You present Christianity with media. You present the e-Gospel. It is the same ageless message, but presented in a modern way. And not watered down, but in terminology that represents modern language. Not catering to people that are seekers, but having a message that is presented in a way that the average person can understand. Post-modern people communicate on a 6^th-grade level, but are educated on a master’s level! Use smaller words to describe the same message of hope.

How do you build a community of faith in a culture that longs to have community again? Well, you participate in the community!

OK, I am almost done.

Finally, a word about justice. Brian McLaren tells a great story that illustrates the difference between justice and mercy. Say you are standing before Niagara Falls, just looking out into the water in awe. Suddenly you see a person floating in the river, they are drowning, fighting for their life to get to shore before they go over the edge! You panic, regain your composure, get some folks together and pull the guy out of the water to safety! That is an act of mercy. Say you see another person, you pull them out, and then another, and they seem to keep coming! Again, pulling these drowning folks out of the water are acts of mercy. But where is the justice? Justice is when you walk up river and stop the guy that is pushing people into the freaking water! STOP THAT GUY!

The church needs to practice justice & mercy. But the church also needs to first stop pushing people in the water, and then they need to stand up against others that are doing the same.

OK, I feel better.

-Durk-

Fasting (Part III . The Conclusion)

In part one I explained that my pastor had given a challenge to fast 1 24-hour period a week for 4 weeks. Sounds pretty simple right? Well in Part Two I told you how the fist 3 Wednesdays went. Here is the conclusion and my thoughts.

Wednesday #4 The last Wednesday. The last challenged fast.

• OK, I had a great breakfast, egg casserole; hash browns...OK enough of that, no reminders of food.
• 12:05 and all is well, I am not hungry. But again, I am drinking lots of water and keeping my mind active. 3:25 and all is well. Been SUPER BUSY AT WORK, I think that makes it easier.
• 4:15 Experiencing hunger pangs, but still standing strong! I have been writing this while fasting, I really enjoy the research and journaling.
• 5:30 As I am leaving I get a phone call form home, supper is waiting...I reminded my family AGAIN that I am fasting. I get home and what is there for me to put away? Supper, the family is on their way out the door.
• 6:30 Finally getting around to putting the food away...it looks soooo gooood. So I look for ways to justify breaking the fast. I don't find any. I put down the tiny piece of broccoli. I hold strong. I prevail. I am hungry.
• I made it through the evening. 3 out of 4 Wednesdays, not too bad.

Observations

I'd really like to work up to the fast during Lent. Lent is the Christian season before Easter. It is a time set aside to identify with Christ who had been fasting in the desert for 40 days. At the end of that time he is tempted by Satan-one of the temptations involves bread, Christ has the strength to deny the offer and rebuke Satan.

Lent is the time when you see a lot of folks order fish-they are not eating meat...that one always puzzles me, I mean fish are not meat? It is also a very holy Christian season. Lent starts with Ash Wednesday this is an identification of dying with Christ. And ends with the arrival of Holy week which includes Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and finally culminating in a celebration on Easter Sunday.

There are many spiritual benefits from fasting. All result growing in one's relationship with God. Just like the body goes through a cleansing during a fast so can the spirit. Just like the body is starving for food, so does the spirit. During a fast the body is denied and the spirit is fed. Isn't it just the opposite most of the time? It is nice to intentionally set time aside to focus on God.

Many people fast when seeking God's will for their life or the answer to a decision or problem. When you are a week or so into a fast there is a physical sensation where one feels elated, very in-tune with their surroundings; simply put, they feel great and ready to take on the world! The same can happen spiritually, instead of spending time at a meal or just doing whatever over your lunch periods or at dinner time, spend that time feasting on the Word of God (as Pastor Donnie says, "Fasting is Feasting"; see I was listening), and spend that time communing with your creator and analyzing your spiritual walk. It can be a very joyous mountain-top experience.

A few good books on the subject are God's Chosen Fast, Celebration of Discipline, and lastly the book that my pastor has been primarily using for his sermon series, The Sacred Way: Spiritual Practices for Everyday Life (Emergent YS) by Tony Jones.

My Disclaimer: You gotta see your doctor and study the practice before you start a fast longer than a couple of days. You can hurt yourself if you don’t, so do!

What I Learned

I learned that fasting can be done with a little effort. I learned that I am definitely emotionally addicted to eating. I guess that every time I look in the mirror, guess confirmed. I learned that with a little effort eating can be ignored. I learned that I am fasting for the wrong reasons; I am fasting from being challenged not to eat and not from being challenged to grow in my relationship with God-my fault, not my pastor's.

I am glad I took on the challenge. I can also see why one of the examples that Donnie gave from the pulpit was a guy who fasted once a week for 2 years. TWO YEARS! But it makes sense, I mean after a month of fasting (which was only 4 days) I paid little attention to God, His word and His son and instead paid much more attention to the lack of food. But maybe after 104 days of fasting I will have a better understanding of the Bible and have developed a deeper relationship with Christ.

Conclusion

Lastly, fasting should always be a spiritual exercise, at least in context to Christianity. Either do it for your personal, non-church related, physical reasons or do it for spiritual reasons. Don't fast during Lent to lose weight! Fasting is definitely not some spiritual diet plan. So don't mix the two up. I say that to remind myself that even though I do need to lose weight, a 40-day fast is not the answer. Why? Well, because during a fast the hunger is supposed to shift from the physical to the spiritual; that is the purpose of the spiritual discipline-to grow in your relationship with God

-Durk-

Fasting (Part II. The Fasts 1-3)

In part one I explained that my pastor, Donnie Miller of Trinity Family Church, has been preaching a series this summer that has been designed to be a spiritual summer training program. He started off with prayer and journaling and has moved through fasting to silence. Donnie challenged us to fast 1 24-hour period a week for 4 weeks. Here was the challenge: Fast for 4 consecutive Wednesdays. Fast for a 24-hour period. Eat breakfast, and then don’t eat until breakfast the next morning. Sounds pretty simple right? Well, here is how it went.

Wednesday #1:

I ate a descent breakfast at McDonald’s with my wife and little ones. I had no problems skipping lunch & dinner. Then I went to help a friend with his flooded basement. A little manual labor here, a little sweating and tears there…then he ordered pizza for us. Fast broken. But I learned an important observation: The earlier skipped meals were a breeze! I wasn’t even hungry until I saw that delicious cheesy pizza and smelled the sweet aromas of pepperoni and hot steamy deliciousness, just sitting there in front of my face begging for me to consume! I feel I could have made it with just a little more effort (and the lack of pizza in front of my face)!

Wednesday #2:

I put in a little more effort and I survived the fast! But see, that is way too dramatic of a way to express it! I REALLY WASN’T ALL THAT HUNGRY! I experienced no hunger pangs (fake hunger pain-just the body used to eating at a certain time and gets ready for the food to come on down the ‘ol pipe). I had a bigger breakfast, but I tried not to gorge myself, that is just silly and in the end it does not work. I did drink quite a bit of water and I did drink some tea in the evening (it was hotter than Hades outside, over 100 degrees), I even went to the movies, and get this, I DIDN’T EVEN EAT POPCORN! And I wasn’t even tempted, I even thought about continuing into Thursday! Observation: I understand my addiction. I am taking baby-steps to be the one in control of my own body. I noticed that as I kept busy and drank water, that I was pretty good to go. Another observation: I am not going out of my way to address the spiritual side of all of this.

Wednesday #3

• (Written while fasting) I am doing well. I ate a good breakfast and here it is 2:37. I am bored. I also need to drink more water. I find myself hungry, but no hunger pangs, I am just bored! I still find it fairly easy to get through the day. I am realizing that I am not actually hungry, I just want to eat; another confirmation that food is an emotional outlet for me.

• (Written after fast) Again, I did it! And again, it wasn't so bad, really. Most of the time I wanted to eat out of habit or from an emotional response-I was bored to tears in the afternoon, so I wanted to eat! I will say breakfast (today-the day after the fast) tasted extra good and I ate a big lunch. I ate a big dinner too. I like eating. I like food. I'm hungry.

There’s only one more Wednesday to go; to be concluded in Part III.

-Durk-

Fasting (Part I. The Challenge)

My pastor, Donnie Miller of Trinity Family Church, has been preaching a series this summer that has been designed to be a spiritual summer training program. He started off with prayer and journaling and has moved through fasting to silence. I would like to talk about fasting.

Fasting is simply the denial of something. It is commonly in relation to food. So if you fast a meal you skip a meal. There are many variations. Most of the time it does not involve excluding water and sometimes juice may be drunk as well. Most of the time the practice is related to religion; many world religions acknowledge the practice. In Christendom many fast for many different reasons. The Lenten Fast is the most common or "popular"; it coincides with Jesus’ 40 days in the desert before he started his ministry. Christians’ observance of the practice vary from not eating meat on Fridays (except fish...) to a real honest-to-goodness 40-day fast! Some people fast sleep, some people fast eating chocolate or not listening to the radio. But this isn't fasting in the strict use of the term, it has just evolved in practice.

Why folks fast also vary. There are folks who regularly fast for healthy-related reasons. Fasting helps detox the body. In the case of religion, and specifically Christianity fasting should only be done in relation to a spiritual discipline, to seek God or to draw closer to God.

I have attempted fasting in the past; I have never been too successful. I have even felt panicky at the prospect of denying myself food. Honestly, I like to eat, just take one look at my physique (or my chubby face).

I would say more accurately that I am addicted to eating. OK, I know what some are saying: We’re all addicted to eating! But I am not talking about the physical need for sustenance-I mean we have to eat or we'll die, yeah, I get that.

I am talking about an emotional desire to consume tasty, delicious food! Steak & potatoes, sweets, fast food, ice cream, French fries, candy, pop, chips...well, you get the idea. I like to eat! And I don’t necessarily like to eat unhealthily; I just like to eat what tastes great! Most of the time that is junk food, fast food, fried foods, pizza, etc. Occasionally it is the succulent peach that is in season and perfectly ripe. Rarely is it a salad with the exception of a salad from Pizza Shoppe with extra pink stuff and pizza on the side! OK, I’m drooling.

I like to sit down with friends and share a meal; this is very important to me. I like to eat while watching TV. I like popcorn during movies. I like snacking at the mall. I like late-night runs for ice cream with the family. I like multiple portions.

So when Donnie challenged us to fast 1 24-hour period a week for 4 weeks, well, I was happy to think that I could do it, but not too eager to actually go through with it. Here was the challenge: Fast for or 4 consecutive Wednesdays. Fast for a 24-hour period. Eat breakfast, and then don’t eat until breakfast the next morning. Sounds pretty simple right? I'd really only be skipping 2 meals.

I'll tell you how it went in Part II.

-Durk-

It's Been Over A Year

It has been just over a year since I lost my dad. I was reminded about it just yesterday-a friend asked me how I was getting along since my dad's passing-I told him that it was a year ago on Memorial Day. A whole year. The year where you experience all of "the firsts". The first birthdays without dad/grandpa, first his birthday, then mine, then my wife, then my boys. The first holidays without a visit or a phone call-Independence Day, Labor Day weekend, Halloween (Dad would have liked the boys’ costumes and our Hallow Haunt business), Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years, etc. We purchased a white mini van. Then there was the birth of Corbin Riley. Dad didn't even know Minnie was pregnant. Corbin was baptized on Easter Sunday. And finally Memorial Day was here and gone. It has been over a year. And I have to say that it has been a...well, an awkward experience for me.

As most of my friends know (and some acquaintances), I am a pretty emotional guy. I cried when my kids were born (yes, all 4). I cry at movies and TV shows; I cry every time I watch that "Extreme Makover: House Edition". I cry as I worship God. But I have not "emotionally" mourned my dad's passing-I haven't cried.

I can't really tell you why I haven't cried, why there is the absent of some emotional moment where I come to grips with the powers of the cosmos and the rhythm of life. But I know this: I loved my dad very much and I miss him very much.

My dad and I had a pretty close relationship. We got along great, always did. I loved to hear his stories. I think my dad was proud of me and loved my family. And I miss him. There's hardly a day that goes by where I don't have something reminding me that dad isn't around anymore. Something to fix around the house, something to look at with the car, a family milestone to share, pictures to email, and the list goes on and on.

There was no funeral, no viewing, no ceremony, no memorial service, no gathering to just talk! And that is the way my dad wanted it, he wanted to be cremated and that's it-no dwelling on the painful passing, just remembering the good times. And that's what happened. There was a road trip-all the way to New Mexico to meet up with my Aunt (who dad was traveling with-they both had retired less than a year before his passing). Although it was a somber trip, for me anyway there was no journey involved, no formal opportunity to feel the pain and to process things. I say “for me” because I remember my wife and twins talking and crying. I just drove in silence. Not really thinking, not really processing. So I have had to find other ways to process life without dad.

I saw a counselor shortly afterwards. It helped. One of the big questions that he posed to me was did I feel that my father was proud of me. Although I had to think about it, I had to say yes. Yeah, dad was proud of me.

In some ways I have done better than my dad. He was a 6th-grade drop out and I completed college. He had had 2 marriages and I have worked pretty hard to build a happy marriage and to form a family. I have a good job. I have a good life. Dad was happy for me. He told me many times that he loved me. He would hug and kiss me and my family-he adored my children.

My dad was not a professing Christian-he did not claim to have a relationship with Christ and with God. That is also a source of pain. I have never looked to my dad as a source of spiritual guidance or direction. Now I know that my father could have had some sort of death-bed experience-he was not feeling well, had lain down and then had a heart attack that took his life-almost immediately. Maybe in his sleep. Maybe not. He did not seem to greatly suffer. I am thankful for that.

It would be comforting to know that my father had had a spiritual experience before he died. It would be immensely comforting to know that I would see my father again in the next life. But I can't really hold onto that kind of hope. I know that was not true of the way my dad lived his life and I just don't know that to be true in his passing. And that makes it more difficult to process; as far as I know, my dad really is gone. Most likely I’ll never see him again. And that is probably the most painful part of all.

It has been a year. Still no tears. Still no explanations as to why there have been no tears. I still miss my dad. But I am continuing to process things. Even with this writing.

-Durk-

Old Job-The Big Move

I only have a few more days in my current role before I am off to start a new position on a new team within my same company. It is only a small physical move; I am moving one floor down. But it is going to be a pretty big move just the same.

I have been in my currnet position for over 6 years now. I know my job pretty darn well. Oh sure, their is TONS more I could learn right where I am. But I am comfortable in my current position, I know what I am doing and I am a "goto" guy for many who respect me. I am really going to miss the people I see and talk to and work with everyday! Jacquie and Jeff, I'll miss you guys. Charles and Kevin F too. I hope Kevin G will still eat lunch with me once in awhile. Kurt and Robert are great co-workers, Chad is super smart! Erica trained me-now she's the new boss. I'll miss Paul's crankyness, Pat's quiet humor and even Darius!

But I remind myself why I am leaving: More money. More direction. Opportunities to learn new things in an exciting group. A new manager who just might promote me. Leadership opportunities. Career development.

I am excited and nervous about the Big Move. Such is life. Change is inevitable. Change is good. It is also hard.

Come see me on the 3rd floor.

-Durk-

New Job

Mr. B, the manager of the Security group, had approached me quite awhile ago about a job in his group. He asked if I had experience with C+ and some other computing languages. I told him that I did not have the programming language skills he was looking for. He asked me to be on the lookout for a qualified person and I asked him to keep me in mind for any future position within his group. Mr. B approached me on 5-20-06, he walked into my cube and told me to write a number down. At first I thought it was a phone number, but he clarified that it was a job requisition number, that it was for his group and that I'd better hurry because it ended THAT DAY! So of course I went to apply for the job right then and there-as fast as I could! I could not find the job requisition! So I immediately emailed Mr. B. my resume and told him that I'd love a chance to work for him.

In the mean time I phoned a friend and he suggested that I try to track down the recruiter. So I began to call around and so did he. I found a name and my friend found out more details: Only 14 applicants, all external; I'd be the only internal applicant, which could really give me an edge! So I emailed the recruiter, stating that the hiring manager had asked me to apply and asked if she would add me to the list of applicants. Mr. B called me and tried to help me look up the job, even though the job was still open it was not available to for additional applicants. So he IMed the recruiter and asked if I could be put on the list. She said that normally I couldn't but that she would add me. YES! I would at least get an interview with 14 external employees and me-the internal employee!! And then Mr. B asked me: "Are you interested?" OF COURSE! And then asked me what my current pay was. I told him and then he did the totally unexpected: Asked me to meet him at the elevators for a talk! We went to the picnic lunch area, he bought me a pop and we sat and he interviewed me! More like explaining the details of the job-telling me what I'd be doing! Again he asked if I was interested, again I said yes. "How does a 10-15% raise sound?" I said that is sounded awesome! And he said that he'd have the recruiter write an offer! AWESOME. He even showed me the new area where they would be moving to-showed me about where I would be sitting in the group!! AWESOME!

The next day I approached one of the people on Mr. B’s team, mentioned that I had talked with their manager the previous day and they explained how Mr B had offered me a job! It had really happened!

A few days later, even before I a formal offer, I sat down with a couple of teammates under Mr. B and they explained what I ‘d be doing on the new team! WOW.

Here it is a couple of weeks later...I have a verbal offer and am merely waiting for the written offer and then I get to haggle about the actual raise! SWEET!

-Durk-

The Re-Building Phase

I lost everything on my work laptop's hard drive-so much for hope. All my email is gone. All of those spreadsheets are gone. All my automation scripts, gone. No more bookmarks, no backups of files that I left on the local hard drive, no more pics, no more music, IT IS ALL GONE.

But it isn't all irreplaceable or a critical loss. Life will go on, even my work life. I will still get emails in the future. I can re-create spreadsheets-maybe even better than before or see if I emailed a copy to someone else. The automation can be re-written-although not automatically. I can find all of those websites again. I can take more pics and steal more music.

I would like to say that I have learned from my mistakes! I will find some nifty program that will automatically back up my email .pst file. I will back up all of the documents in My documents folder. I will print out pictures and burn music onto CDs.

But what is reality? Reality is loss. Reality is pain. Reality hurts. OK, so that may be a bit dramatic, but no matter what I do I can't protect everything from everything.

So what? Well, thank goodness for second chances. Monday is over and Tuesday is here. IT Guy will hand-deliver my "new" laptop any minute now. I'll spend the next couple of days tweaking, installing and setting things just right. Then I'll get all of that backup stuff in place. Then I'll start working on all of those things that I lost.

Thus marks the beginning of my re-building phase.

Here it comes again: The Great Cosmic Truth:

Life is full of second chances. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. Grace is a wonderful thing. This Easter season can be one where the old passes away and the new person is re-born. It isn't easy giving birth...Just ask my wife who had baby boy #4 just a couple of months ago (no girls). It also isn't easy re-building and changing for the better.

Is it worth it? Well, I don't know yet. I know I can't go back. There is nothing to go back to. So I have to move forward. I don't have to learn anything new or do things differently. But I can't remember everything that I lost...Or it wouldn't be that big of a loss. I don't remember how everything worked or was worded or organized or whatever. So I am going to have to do some things differently. Hopefully I will do them better as well.

Change is good. Growing is hard.

-Durk-

If You Always Do What You've Always Done You Will Always Get What You've Always Gotten

Today is shaping up to be a stereotypical Monday. My work laptop PC is dead. It indicates that there is no bootable drive. Which may mean the hard drive is dead. This makes me sad and mad and angry. I should not feel this way. I should have a warm and fuzzy feeling that everything is OK, that all my data is backed up in a safe place, just waiting to be recovered. After all my hard drive crashed and burned last September. I lost everything then-especially VERY important emails. And I vowed that I would back things up. A promise broken. I'm not too sure how many times I have to go through this to learn to back things up. All is not yet totally lost-the IT Guy still has to look at it. So there is hope.

So I asked my local admin assistant if she will assist me in submitting a ticket. She recommends calling help desk and asks me to use the new number, "Did you get the email with the new number," she asks. It gets a little painful after this, but finally she figures out that I don't have access to my email. Surely this is not the first time she has these frustrating conversations.

There may just be a lesson in all of this. OK, here comes the Great Cosmic Truth:

Such is life. We do dumb things (or bad things just "happen") and we react. And when we have a chance to do things differently the next time, we don't! Instead we think that we can do the same thing over and over again and there will somehow be a different result. And when the result is the same we wonder why. All of this is not too far off from the definition of insanity.

All is not yet totally lost-people can change. People can chose to learn from their mistakes. So there is hope.

I really hope I get my emails back. And my eBay stuff. And my pics. Oh yeah, that work spreadsheet too. I have hoped for this before and have been disappointed. I really hope I am not insane. I think I have hoped for that before too.

-Durk-